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The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines sacrifice as: to surrender something for the sake of something. I believe that sacrifice can sometimes come in the form of a little word called, “no”. I’m sure everyone reading this can think of a time where they said, “yes” and knew that you should have said, “no”. What did you sacrifice by saying, “yes”? Maybe nothing, but sometimes it may have been your peace, sanity, time and/or resources that could have been better spent towards a dream or vision.

What immediate, or family traditions do you have? Are you apart of any organizations or clubs that at times can be very taxing? Do you have friendships that are consistently draining, or where you’re always on the giving end of your time and resources? These are just a few questions to examine to see if you can benefit from saying, “NO”. I’m probably one of the best people to be writing about this topic, because for those who truly know my heart understand that saying, “no” is not easy for me. God has wired me to be one of those touchy-feely people whose heart bleeds for others. I want things to go well for others, and try to have their best interest in mind. I’ve always tried to help fix a problem that I thought I could find within my own power to solve. My husband would often say that, “if he didn’t help manage our money” we would be broke because there is always a cause that I want to give to or to make someone happy, just because. He has also helped me to see when I was too close to a situation, going through every emotion for an individual who may not have even been ready or willing to make a change. So, I’m not putting down my qualities, but we sometimes have to get to the root of why we struggle to be forth right in some areas. Also, balance and wisdom have to be in operation if you can identify with what I’m sharing.
Therefore, in 2019, I am working towards letting go of the guilt of saying, “no”. When God has given you a vision for something great sometimes it will take everything you’ve got! It really is okay having moments or going through seasons where you put yourself and a vision first. I’ve never known anyone who I didn’t truly admire that did not have many seasons of saying no. What may a season of saying no look like for you? You may have to totally change your schedule or the way you do things. You may have less time to dedicate to all of the traditions, organizations, clubs, etc. Communication is very key, if this is what God is impressing on your heart. All parties involved may not understand, because the truth is that God gave you the vision to see what he wants you to birth. Honestly, the nature of mankind is usually a lot like Thomas in the bible. “I won’t believe Jesus rose again unless I place my fingers in his wounds.” Don’t get offended if you feel the shade of others as you pursue your dreams, trust God and keep it moving. Although I love the encouragement and support from family and friends, I don’t dwell on it. I dwell on who will be affected, or not benefit, because I was unable to complete things in my life due to my fear of being bound and never having the power to say “no”.

Whether you like their political party or platform you must recognize the greatness of anybody who was able to become the first. The former President Obama and former First Lady Michelle Obama were the first African American President and First Lady of the United States. If you’ve listened to my video blog, which I highly encourage, you would know that I just finished reading “Becoming” by Michelle Obama. It is supposed to be a political memoir, but it reads like a beautiful and intriguing biographical novel. In this book I learned about the journey and the sacrifices that her and her husband took to pursue the vision they had for themselves, their family, and our Country. During the time Barack Obama was working as a Senator it was as if she was a single mom continually making adjustments to her schedule, letting go of her husband to live out the vision he had for his life. Oftentimes, spending days, even weeks, on the campaign trail. While serving as Senator he actually had his own small place in Washington. This may be small to some, but I might be too selfish to give up date nights with my husband, simply because it takes too much man power and resources to go on a date when you are the President of the United States. In Michelle Obama’s book, I could actually feel the constant pressure and pain of an African American female making adjustments to not be perceived as an “angry black female.” Or the daily fears she had for her husband’s safety as the first African American President. There were so many added layers to this presidency, though. Let’s not forget that just because an African American made it to the White House that the stain of racism still wasn’t roaring its ugly head. Aside from reading her book and getting her own perspective, I watched it. Many times, I saw people I love and admire of other races in the ministry spend more time than normal picking apart many, if not any and every, proposal President Obama made. I saw many of them violate the very principals that they asked us to keep in perspective with other presidents in the past. They would say, “point out what is biblically wrong, but respect the office.” But where was this same principal applied for President Obama? There were subtle things done that I noticed at establishments where the President was heralded as commander and chief. For instance, somehow, they had forgotten to hang President Obama’s photos, and that had never been a problem in the past. Whether it was conscious or unconsciously done, it was quite disappointing for me to experience. I saw the caricatures drawn of President Barack Obama and his wife, accentuating the features of their bodies to overemphasize the color of their skin. I had seen politics in a way I had never seen before. Yet, the Obama’s lived and endured it for years. I’m definitely not, promoting everything that was done under this administration, but I will voice my perspective as an African American female on some of the issues that had nothing to do with politics. I must say that I am thankful for all men and women of all races who have gone before me and sacrificed for the greater good of America. However, I believe the Obama’s journey to and in office shows you the power of vision to pursue something we’ve never seen against all obstacles. In this case the power of no for Michelle and her husband opened unimaginable doors.
Think about Noah in the bible whose instructions from God saved civilization as we know it. Noah was about 500 years old before his first son was born. Noah was told by God to build the Ark for he, his wife, his son’s, and his son’s wives. Noah was about 600 years old at the time of the flood. One Bible Scholar believes the time period to build the Ark was anywhere around 55 to 75 years. Can you imagine all of your family and friends watching you and your family build, and prepare for something they can’t see? That’s exactly what I’m asking you to do my friend. Noah was mocked, ridiculed, and mistaken for a mad man, but it was evident that he was consumed by the vision that God gave to him.
Last, but not least I want to share about the life of Jesus. For Jesus is the ultimate example of the power of sticking to the traditions of life and the sacrifice of living authentically purposeful life at any cost. In the bible Luke  versus 41-52 speaks of how the parents of Jesus would go to Jerusalem every year for the feast of Passover. Now when Jesus was 12 unbeknownst to his parents, he chose to remain at temple for 3 days until his parents discovered him there. His response was, “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” Even as a young boy Jesus was consumed by purpose. Jesus’ entire life was learning and teaching and facing adversity for authentically living out His purpose for God. In the Bible, Luke Chapter 9: 57-62 says,
57 As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”
58 Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
59 He said to another man, “Follow me.”
But he replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
60 Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”
61 Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”
62 Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”
All of this speaks of Jesus’ character and His teaching for all that thought they wanted to or needed to follow Him. He let them know that it would not be easy to follow Him and that they would be challenged on so many levels in doing so. There was nothing that was going to delay, distract, or take Him away from the Vision of God. His entire life was a vision of what it means to sacrifice for purpose. He became mankind’s ultimate sacrifice by laying down his life on a cross so that we may have remission for our sins.
Aside from Jesus these are extraordinary feats done by ordinary people who understood the power of saying no because they were driven by purpose. It doesn’t always feel good, look good, or even seem politically correct from other people’s perspective at times, but when you are consumed with authentic purpose it’s necessary. No great thing comes to fruition without sacrifice.

In closing I must say, I only write about topics that I’ve struggled with or that I’m on a journey of strengthening in my own self. Although I have not mastered this topic, and I admit it’s still a struggle, it’s one worth talking about immediately. It has already brought me so much peace and productivity in 2019. My prayer is that it will do the same for you!

 

In my family the Christmas season is usually filled with a great sense of spirituality, laughter, and love. As I ponder on the holidays season, I can’t help but be reminded of Christmas’s past. There is never a dull moment when my family gets together. We would excessively recite lines from famous movies, like The Christmas Story, Soul Food and even The Color Purple. If I’m honest, any family get together with my sisters is a time to one up the other in cracking jokes. We’ve made an art out of creatively and strategically inserting lines from the movie, The Color Purple in about every conversation we have. Someone might complain, and I’d say “This life be over soon, heaven last always.” This is a line from the movie, so if you’re not that familiar with The Color Purple, almost every joke would go right over your head. And no matter what there will always be singing. There are times when we just break out in song and the house sounds like one big gospel musical. As much as I anticipate the opportunity to be authentically me without any judgment, I can’t help but acknowledge the gloom that may fill the air throughout our time together. This year will be different. It is the first Christmas without my dad. I will miss his loud outburst of laughter when watching a funny Christmas movie, hearing him play the piano and sing, or brag about how tender his meat turned out. Even if with uncertainty, I’m sure that together our family will be able to courageously navigate through what will now forever be a new kind of Christmas.

You may be like me, working through some type of loss or grief. Someone else may be dealing with a sense of hopelessness. There is a scripture in the bible that says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18).” Personally, there have been many times when I’ve felt like, “this is just too much to handle”, but I’m living proof that God is close to the brokenhearted and you can make it through this season.

I am also reminded of a story in the bible about a man named David who was chosen to be the King of Israel. In a celebration, King Saul heard women come sing about victories he and then David had won in battle. In comparison he had thought of David’s to be a greater success. The women said Saul had slain thousands in battle and David ten thousand along with slaying the giant, Goliath. David had a real dilemma. King Saul was so jealous that he wanted to take David’s life in fear of losing the throne (1 Samuel 23). Can you imagine such a dichotomous situation where you’ve been called to one of the highest positions all to be overshadowed by your life being threatened? It’s like the saying says, “it was the best of times and the worst of times” all at once. Saul had David on the run for his life for years.

Can you imagine the heartache, frustration, and the pain of essentially running from someone you respected and loved? He loved Saul and his family, to include his son Jonathan, and even married his daughter Michal. Can you imagine being David, awakened by your wife only to be told to leave the comfort of your home because the King, my dad, will not rest until you’re dead? David was on the run for his life and to him it appeared to be for no apparent reason. Do you feel like David? “What have I done?” Surely, this would be enough to cause anyone to be in a state of depression. There is a scripture where David is so troubled and gripped with fear that he drooled on his beard as if he were insane, out of fear for his life.

You may also be asking yourself, how did David survive and get through this season which could have been anywhere from about 7 to 10 years? The bible says, David cried out often to God. (Psalms 142:1-2 ESV) “With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him.”

If you can relate, this is for you.” Do as David, and cry out to God to let him know what’s exactly on your heart and mind. He created you and surely, he can handle whatever emotions you may be feeling. Some would say, I’m too mad to even talk to God. I say to you that God is not taken by your emotions. For he created you and understands the frailty of our hearts. There is a scripture that says, “Cast all of your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)”. I believe that almost any talk with God, even out of anger is a sign of your faith. Ultimately, you are considering God as the source in which to speak of your frustrations.

This Christmas, gift yourself with a dose of transparency. Whether you make your desires known to God or another person, I believe this is critical. The web states that transparency is relating to others by revealing your inner self, your true experience. It also says that you expose your vulnerabilities and fears, as well as your desires and points of view. Your trust may have been violated, so you don’t quite know how you feel about this topic of transparency. The truth is that it is not easy to always share your vulnerabilities, but at its best it can be the most rewarding and freeing experience ever. What else can be holding you back? Are you the friend, family member or professional that is known for always having it together? Do you pride yourself on always being the go-to person? Does the position you hold at work, church, or in your community say: “He or she always has it together.” Well if that is you, it’s not too late to make a change. To maintain an authentic lifestyle we must get over the need to avoid transparency. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of greatness. We exude greatness by our willingness to make a commitment to self-care. If you haven’t taken that leap of faith to open up to a responsible, caring person, or sought professional help, do it now. It’s time to tell yourself, “I matter!”

Be mindful, that the holidays may not be Merry for everyone. Here are a few of my own holiday remedies for myself:

• Transparency: Talk to someone
• Listen to someone else
• Pray/ read the bible
• Listen to uplifting music
• Don’t isolate yourself
• Exercise
• Create: Through baking or art
• Play: Have fun, play games with my son
• Laugh/ Watch Movies
• Professional counseling
• Find ways to bless someone else

 

 

 

 

Why Pray? Perhaps this title is a little disturbing if you know me. So, let me explain… (If you were raised liked me you may already know where I’m going.)

Growing up, I don’t know if there was ever a period of time where I wasn’t in church. Many of my earliest memories are from being, or doing something church related. There’s a southern gospel group called the Canton Spirituals, whose song I am reminded of called, Mama Drug Me. The lyrics go something like this: “Mama drug me to church, mama drug me to Sunday School…I’m so glad mama and daddy drug me.” When I first heard this song, I thought it was quite comical. After completely listening to it I realized that it was a song of gratitude about being led into the right direction, and I could totally relate. I remember the long trips out of town to attend church services.  I would be in the car sitting in between my mom and dad in the front seat while my brother and sisters were piled up in the back. Boy, did I ever love riding in the front seat eating my dad’s certs (small peppermint- like mints) like it was candy. I also have memories of revival services, or being wrapped up in blankets to sleep while my parents held all night prayer services. I can’t run from it; my faith and prayer is a big part of my life and is the very essence of who I am. These are very fond memories in which I am most proud of because this foundation has helped to shape me into who I am today.

Now, there is a scripture in the bible which states, when you pray it is very important to ask for what we need in prayer and wait on an answer (Psalms 5:3). Adopting this as a lifestyle is critical. However, there are times when we must get up off our knees and go to work. We’ve all heard of this popular scripture, faith without works is dead (James 2:26). Having faith for a God-given idea, vision, or dream to be accomplished in your life simply means stepping into action towards what you may not clearly see with your natural eyes. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1). There’s another quote which says prayer is the key but faith opens the door.

So, now it’s time to step into action! You might ask yourself, “But where do I start?” I believe I can help you with that…start with the 3 P’s (Plan, Prepare, Pray).

One of my favorite ways to plan is through setting aside time to journal. I use a journal to write down and record thoughts, ideas, or even dreams I had during the night. I’ve learned that many of my dreams, visions, and ideas are inspired by God, especially when they are accompanied after prayer. I’ve realized, I’m just not that smart on my own. When you get ready to act on a vision it is important to set small specific goals and deadlines for them to be accomplished. Some people do not like to journal, but I find it absolutely necessary in bringing a dream to a reality. The beauty of a journal is that you’ve got the entire journey recorded, hopefully in great detail.

The Second P, Preparation, is critical and I believe it may be the most abused of all the 3 P’s. Many of us have desires, dreams and visions that will not come to pass unless we do the proper planning mentally, emotionally, and physically. I encourage you to read about Esther, the Jewish Orphan, who became a Persian Queen by choosing to courageously take a stand for the herself and the Jewish people. Before this took place, Esther found favor with Hegai the king’s eunich who was in charge of the virgins. Before a young woman’s turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics (Esther 2:12). When her cousin Mordecai shared Haman’s plot to kill the Jewish people, Esther fasted for 3 days and 3 nights and instructed her people to do the same and was victorious. The perfect timing and preparation are central themes throughout this chapter. There was 12 months of preparation before she could even go before the king, and ultimately gain favor to save Israel. Esther had a choice, but decided to fast, pray, and step into action. This may seem small but Esther’s actions took bravery, for making such a request before the king could have been very dangerous in that day. 

Can I share that there are so many other things that Esther may have had to work on mentally and emotionally. There are countless things that could have prevented Esther from achieving her purpose, I call these the “dream killers”. These are things such as bitterness of her past as an orphan, pride from being so beautiful, or possessing a victim mentality, etc. Instead she listened to wise counsel, her cousin Mordecai, Prepared, Planned, Prayed and accepted the call.

Oftentimes, it’s much easier to pray than to take a look at yourself and say there’s something that I need to do within myself or for myself to prepare. What’s holding you back from what you desire? If you were brought up in church, do you always wait around relying on the sovereignty of God to bring everything to pass? Do you justify your position by saying “If God don’t do it, it won’t be done”? Whose thoughts are you always sitting with? Are they ever genuinely yours or do they derive from friends and family? That’s not a crime, but it’s important to examine the company you keep and ask yourself, are any of them striving towards some of the same goals you have, and do you see any of the fruit from their labor? I’m not saying that you should never receive a word which may come from these sources. There may be wisdom in which you can glean from within these sources, but also be open to unexpected sources. Do you know someone who is winning in the area you desire to be? Do you have access to them personally, through a book or social media? Also, could there be unresolved issues that you fail to deal with through seeking wise counsel, pastoral or professional counseling? Last, but not least, have you also examined the area of pride in your life? Pride keeps us from seeing the need for correction and can ultimately hinder us from achieving or sustaining ultimate success in our life.

I’m thankful for a strong foundation of the Gospel that has truly shaped me to be who I am today. “But someone will say, ‘You have faith and I have works.’ Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” (James 2:18) Our faith does not act alone, we must put it into action while we pray. Start with The 3 P’s (Plan, Prepare, and Pray) and you will see greater results and movement towards your goal.

Let me give you a bonus “P” that is just as important to implement throughout this process: Praise! Praise is pleasing to God, it not only activates your faith, but is a great source of encouragement while you wait for the promise. Remember, it doesn’t always happen overnight. God can do his miraculous alone, but there is truth in the saying that “God is not going to do what you can do for yourself.”

My hope is that this has been an answer to someone’s prayer. Now that you have been enlightened, you have specific steps to walk out God’s best for your life. Be encouraged! Say to yourself, “It can and will come to pass!”

There is a story about a young man named Joseph in the bible. Do you know how long it took him to receive the promises God had for his life? 14 years.

What vision or promises are you still holding onto? And boy… do I mean holding on to, even if it’s only by a thread.

Many of us have fabulous dreams and ideas of what our life is “supposed” to look like. We are usually content, until we realize that year after year keeps rolling by and we aren’t quite where we had expected to be. When this happens, we are usually met with shame, anger and just plain doubt about the future. At that point I would have to say to you: “Don’t give up!”

One of my favorite scriptures of the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11, which states that God has a special purpose and plan for your life no matter what it looks like.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to fail you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

The Bible also talks about how God formed and fashioned you in your mother’s womb. There is another scripture that says he foreknew you. Why would God go through so much trouble to know you before you were even born, and not have a specific purpose and plan for you in mind?

It is so easy to look at other people we admire at the pinnacle of their success and compare ourselves to them. If you asked them if they got to where they are in a day, they would tell you- absolutely not. Then why is there still so much discontent and pressure for us to look, or be, like someone else? When you look into these success stories, you find that it took many people years before they gained true success. What was taking place during the wait?

I would have to say that Authentic Character can truly be developed when you change your perspective regarding the journey to success. Jesus himself was 32 years old before he performed his first miracle. His character definitely preceded him, and until this day is still without reproach. Jesus was born of flesh and was tempted on all levels: mentally, physically,and spiritually. If it took Jesus 32 years, and Joseph 14, to build their character to be able to withstand the promise, what do you think about you and I?

“Authentic Character can truly be developed when you change your perspective regarding the journey to success.”

Dreams and visions aren’t built in a day. Embrace the journey God has for you. Receive the lessons life has to offer and keep walking forward. You will begin to see how far you’ve come and how close you are to obtaining all the promises that God has for your life. I’m not quite where I want to be, but I seek to remain humble and grow in wisdom, love, patience, compassion and virtue- just to name a few Authentic Characteristics. We may need to develop our character in order to obtain and maintain the vision that lay ahead. In addition, we must be bold, courageous and unwavering about who God has designed us to be. Ask yourself the following: am I authentically growing in character each day? Get excited and tell yourself, “I’m on my way!”

“Be bold, courageous and unwavering about who God has designed you to be!”